Robbert Baruch

Robbert Baruch is Rebecca’s father.

For those who are new to this synagogue: we have just performed the Havdala ritual; we separated shabbat and the week. And we did so with two seemingly contradictory acts or emotions. On the one hand: we created light, to show that shabbat is over, like all good things must come to an end, and we have to move on to a new phase; on the other hand, by smelling the spices we are trying to keep some of the goodness and sweetness of shabbat, and try to keep it with us for a bit longer.

There is a parallel here: on the one hand we would like Rebecca to be with us longer than we could; on the other hand, we know we have to move forward.

This an important place in our lives. Sacha’s ancestors built this beautiful synagogue, and this is where Rebecca received her formal Jewish education, became Bat Mitswa and gave class to others. Also: until she moved to Israel, she traditionally lead parts of the mincha prayer during Jom Kippur.

Today is the 17th of Shevat – her birthday. Now the week has ended, we move towards a new parasha: Jithro, Rebecca’s  bat mitswa parasha, And I remember vividly how I sat on the first row, approaching the bima, singing, chanting and speaking words of Torah and I thought to myself: “who is this young woman?”. The beauty of the Bat Mitswa ritual is that as a parent you learn to see your daughter with new eyes.

Also over the last few weeks, we saw our daughter with new eyes. Vulnerable, sick in the hospital bed, fighting for her life, but also we heard the stories that she didn’t share with us: how once she retrieved a balloon from Gaza without asking for permission or waiting for a command, how shocked she was to learn about the atrocities that happened on October 7th: she saw the remnants of the bases she was responsible for until March, and how devastated she was after one of her friends, Rose Lubin, was killed on November 6th. Probably showing her emotions for the first time after October 7th. All this and more left her emotionally and physically drained.

We got to know our daughter anew – and have to learn how to live without her.